Can You Date Your Best Friend?

This seems to be a pretty common question we get here at ‘Date Out’. So we went on a quest to interview couples who have dated their best friends to find out what happened! It is safe to say there have been both successful and disastrous outcomes. We will lay it out for you plainly, on some wisdom that was imparted to us 

Cons

1. Seeing your best friend naked can never be reversed. Sex changes everything. It creates a kind of intimacy that goes way beyond being best friends and if the relationship fails, it gets tricky cause you can never picture your best friend the same way as before

2. Being best friends and being partners is VERY different. You might think that you guys are a shoo in for compatibility since you are best friends. But that might not be the case. Expectations change, how you view the other person changes, and that brings a whole new dimension to your relationship. As best friends, you complain about your partners, you find someone who will lend you a listening ear while outside of the situation. Someone who isn’t emotionally involved in your quarrels and someone you can seek comfort in outside your relationship when you quarrel with your partner. However, when your best friend becomes part of this equation, everything changes, and this change in dynamics might not work well for you.

3. As best friends, there might be things that you find disgusting that you turn a blind eye to. Your best friend gets tons of ‘get out of jail free’ passes. But as partners, these things now matter. And when they start to matter, quarrels start to happen. 

4. Your sense of familiarity might cause you to take each other for granted. You know the saying, that you hurt the ones closest to you the most? Well, that saying is absolutely true, and it has been backed by 3 decades of research.

It boils down to various levels of aggression that we show and according to research, we are most aggressive to people we know and love the most. And you know your best friend, the most. 

This might sound slightly confusing, what do we mean by aggression? Let’s put different scenarios here for us to gather a better picture. At work, you might be unhappy with a colleague, but you are controlled in the way you react in this environment. You might hence react in a passive – aggressive manner or show your displeasure in very conservative manners. With acquaintances, you might be unhappy with someone, but you might choose to be non-aggressive and brush it off instead of confrontation. With friends, when unhappy, you will choose to react in a way that usually doesn’t including screaming your head off; but talk it over as calmly as you can.

However, with your partner, all hell breaks loose. You scream, you show your unhappiness, you get angry over the slightest things, and research has shown that while it is hard to determine the motive behind this direct aggression, it has been speculated that it comes from the freedom with the belief that a partner relationship is the strongest, hence allowing once to directly express him or herself without being controlled.

This could potentially get exaggerated when you put a best friend who becomes a partner. 

Buy hey, dating your best friend is not all bad. There are multiple pros too! Lets talk about them here!

 

PROS

1. Your Best Friend has seen you dressed down way too many times. I remember when I was going out on dates, I would choose clothes and shoes that were way too uncomfortable to try and look the best I can. While that is good, since it is important to put in effort in dressing up for your partner, it can get really tiring and uncomfortable trying to maintain that.

Your best friend would have seen you dressed in your worse and not have judged you, so great, another thing off the list! There is no pressure to impress.

2. The chances of your family approving your best friend is pretty high.  Everyone dreads the time when they have to bring their partner to meet the family. It is an extremely scary experience and you worry if your family will approve of your relationship.

In this scenario, your family will most prop have already met your best friend, and if they did not like him/ her, chances are they would have voiced it out to you through the years. So, you are pretty much covered in this section. 

3. You can definitely communicate. Communication is one of the most important thing in any relationship. For someone to become your best friend, it can be safely said that being able to communicate well is a given. You guys probably spend hours talking about everything, sharing opinions, speaking frankly without worrying what the other might think.

Through the years, I have realised that it is hard to find people I can communicate with. It is so easy for awkward silences to penetrate conversations. To find someone whom you can easily communicate with, who inspires you through conversations, who uses words to encourage you when you are down or bring you back to earth when your ego inflates abit too much, is a gift. 

4. There is a lot on the line. You both know how much this relationship means to you, and the thought of losing your BEST friend and partner at the same time is hard to even imagine. However, this will keep you fighting for each other, knowing how much you mean to each other. You are all in.

5. You have walked journeys no one else has walked with you. Be it your various break ups, your transitions from school to work, your milestones, your many birthdays, your ups and downs in life, your best friend would have been there for you, and these memories and journeys can never be replaced. For your best friend to become your partner who has shared all these with you, is one of the best things that can happen.

 

In conclusion, yes, you might potentially lose your best friend, but something beautiful could come out of it too. If you ask us, we say take the gamble, cause sometimes, living in regret is way worse than anything else in the world. And honestly, if it doesn’t work out, make a conscious effort to reconcile and keep the friendship.

It will be tough at the start, but give it time and know that when two people who could once share something so beautiful and intimate, must mean there was a certain connection that happened, and this, is worth fighting for. 

 

If you have any questions, please email us at : contact@dateout.co and we will be more than happy to answer them for you! So shoot us questions, observations, experiences, problems and let us make the world a better place, together.